Wednesday, July 20, 2011

And the days go on.....

I have said before and I'll say it again...I will never win mother of the year award.

I don't always feed my kids the right food because we're on the go a lot.

They aren't forced to eat vegetables as much as I was growing up. (Not that it was a bad thing mom, just yucky)

I get edgy and upset some days because I'm tired and they have enough energy to bounce to the moon and back.

But throughout it all I am blessed beyond measure with their unconditional, undying love for MOM. Yes that's me. I am mom.
I drive everyone around, I cook, I clean, I take care of boo boos, and give enough hugs to squeeze like a boa constrictor. But many days, I am not perfect.......

Yesterday I was tired. I had stayed up late after work to go see a doc a the walk in sports medicine office about my calf. I pretty much knew what had happened, but just wanted a little reassurance that it wasn't anything worse. By the time I got home and in bed, I knew my nap was going to be short. Although 5 hours sounds like a lot to some people, it's not for me. I don't do well or cope with wild and crazy children on little sleep. After waking, I showered and went to pick them up. Tuesday nights are always "welcome to Moes" because kids eat free on Tuesdays :) And then normally we head to get a little Orange leaf frozen yogurt (that has definitely become one of my only semi-guilty dessert snacks). Both of the kids had one of those zhu zhu pets with them. If you haven't encountered them yet, maybe you shouldn't. They're annoying as all get out with their little noises and squeaks. Especially on a tired day..... I took them both away and banged them until they were quiet. I could see the look in Ryan's eyes when I got so upset. I felt so badly for the way I acted, but actions speak louder than words and cannot be taken back. Once home, I bathed them and put them in pajamas ready for bed. They were allowed to watch a little TV before crawling in to bed. Once teeth were brushed, Alexander starts asking for chocolate milk. I know he doesn't understand the concept of not eating after brushing teeth, but we were so close to bedtime I didn't want to give him any. That, of course, resulted in a dramatic finish to my evening with him screaming and crying over chocolate milk. I finally gave in and just said to myself, "forget's not the end of the world". By this point I was about toast. I just wanted 5 minutes of me time....but the kids had to be put to bed, and when I'm home that's my mommy duty.

As always, we say our night night prayers on Ryan's floor. Alexander usually crawls up in my lap and Ryan sits in front of us both. Alexander says his blessing, "God is Great, God is Good, Let Us thank him for our food. Amen. Thank you Jesus" It's just too cute to not let him...Ryan says his big boy prayers by thanking God for his day and praying for strength to have a good day the next day and to make good decisions. I'm proud that he is learning to see how decisions have consequences and they need to be made wisely. When he was finished, it was my turn. I always thank God for my day and the life we have and this night I prayed for forgiveness. Forgiveness for not winning the mother of the year award, forgiveness for being short with my kids, and asking for strength to do better as a mom. I cry as I type this because I know there are other moms, just like me, and we all hurt some times and we all need a break some times. (Thank you Erica) Afterward, Ryan just attacked me and hugged me saying, "It's okay mom. We'll have a better day tomorrow."

Thank you God for the opportunity to raise these boys and for their unconditional love for me like you have for us all. Thank you for allowing me another day to be a better mom. I promise I'll work harder and try to be less edgy when I'm tired, realizing that it's not their fault.

Here's a prayer going up for all of us that moment that life just seems to be spinning out of control. God loves us and will see us through these times. One day we'll look back on this journey and wonder what all the fuss was about....

Sunday, July 3, 2011



They come in many forms.

It may be someone complimenting you on something you did. It may be surviving cancer. It may be the feeling you get from helping someone else.

I have been blessed in many ways. God has seen us through trials in the past few years and we've come out stronger than ever. But tonight I was blessed in a different way.

I have always tried to instill the love of God into our children. Everything we do as parents comes back to us at some point in time. So tonight, as we were preparing for bed, Ryan, Alexander, and myself sat on Ryan's floor for prayers. We've done this before because it's easier since Ryan has a loft bed. Most of the time though, it's just myself and Ryan saying prayers, and I say them with Alex when I put him to bed. But tonight, since Mike is on night shift, it's just the three of us. Ryan is old enough now to say his "big boy prayers" and is slowly getting better about being respectful by bowing his head and closing his eyes. Although this is not always necessary, I feel he needs to do this to get the general grasp of things. Anyway, tonight as we bowed our heads, Ryan began with, "Now I lay me down to sleep" I chose not to interrupt and let him continue. The next thing I knew, Alexander was joining him saying his prayers with him. When they finished I had tears in my eyes. Listening to my children pray just makes my heart explode. Ryan looked at me and said, "mom, I was just saying that so I could help Alex" WOW what a heart!!! I looked at both of them, with my hands on my face, and said, "that just makes my heart happy". Ryan promptly said his prayers the allowed me to finish with the big prayer as I always do. When I finished, Alexander had his hands on his face and said, "mommy that makes my heart happy". I have tears of joy now just thinking of that. How lucky of a mom am I that my boys are grateful and can see the love of Jesus in our prayers.

Thank you God for blessing me with the two beautiful boys I have to raise on this earth. I will be forever grateful.

Take a moment to listen to and watch this video by Laura Story, Blessings